Sunday, May 15, 2016

Saved Yet Again

Good afternoon! I thought I'd take some time to write because today has definitely been a challenge for me.

I faced some struggles that I just couldn't seem to handle. The devil took me by surprise and attacked me from behind. I had an anxiety attack that seemed to last forever. The suicidal thoughts swirled in my head but I knew I was too scared to try anything. For me, it was like I knew I didn't want to live but I was to afraid to die. I collapsed onto my bedroom floor and stayed there sobbing into the carpet. How did life always manage to deal me the crappy cards? I couldn't move and it took a lot of effort to try and breathe. Thankfully, the somewhat stable part of my brain told me to get help. I called my friend Noah and he talked me through most of it, but when he had to leave for work, I still felt terrible. For the very first time, I called the suicide hotline. Not necessarily because I was going to attempt, but rather I was afraid things could spin out of control if I didn't get help now. The woman I spoke to had a gentle voice and told me that if I was home alone, it was best to stay in contact with somebody I knew. So I called my boss and she told me to take deep breaths and then prayed for me.

I felt the peace of God settle my heart. I let out a deep breath and told the demons to leave me alone. God reminded me that I am loved. Even writing this now, it's as though I can feel His loving arms wrapped around me. He saved my life...yet again. 

This was another close call for me. I haven't had an attack in months. But once again, He reminded me just how loved I am, and that I have been not only saved multiple times on earth, but also given the gift of eternal life. Saved forever. And that, is the most beautiful thing I have ever known. Salvation.

Thank you Lord, for keeping me here. For calming my heart and sending your Son so that I can someday rejoice with you in heaven.

I survived,
Marissa Mayer

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