Friday, April 15, 2016

My Two Best Friends

Sorry I'm writing so late, but I have a lot on my mind...

It sounds crazy but I'm losing one of my best friends in the whole wide world. I drowned myself in tears tonight as I was blown off for somebody else. There isn't much effort to spend time with one another anymore and I'm simply drifting farther away from her.

I've gone through my fair share of "heartbreak" with boys, but let me tell you...this hurts worse. I've known her since 6th grade. Boys come and go, and I knew some of my friends would too because it's "a part of growing up". But I didn't think I would have to lose this one. I lost a huge group of friends this past year, but it didn't bother me because I thought I still had a few solid ones left.

The same situation is happening with my best guy friend. We don't really talk anymore. Our 110 day snap streak has turned into a chore...not just casual conversation (yes, I'm aware of how shallow that sounds). It's a lot for me to handle because I always overthink things. And maybe that's what I'm doing right now...I don't know. I feel like this is all my fault, as if I can't be good enough for anyone. Is it the mental illness? Is it something I do? My personality? Why doesn't anyone stick around anymore?

But, God has reminded me that there are people who have stuck around. Two people in particular that come first to mind. First, my wonderful mother. She came in and saw me crying tonight and reminded me that she is always on my side. She's been my support when I cannot stand and is always there to hug my broken pieces back together. Mama, if you read this, I just wanna say that I love and appreciate you more than you'll ever know. Thank you for cheering me on through life and being my ultimate best friend. You have a beautiful heart and I thank God that He picked out a mom as special as you, just for me.

Secondly, I thought about my 4-year-old cousin, Emma. I remember back when I found out my aunt was pregnant with a girl. I was so excited because I always wanted a "little sister"...and I knew this was as close as I would ever get. I know it sounds crazy, but she's gotta be my best buddy. She's smart and funny...that little piece of sunshine always puts a smile on my face. I'd do anything for her because she's definitely changed my life for the better. Like today, I came home sick and she saw me crying because I felt terrible, and she had such a worried look on her face. She climbed up on my lap and gave me a big hug. I never knew someone so little could have such a big heart. Emma is my little blessing of a "sister" and honestly, she's like a mini-me (but cooler and cuter)!

Mostly, I guess I have what I need right now. While growing up, I know God is telling me He has more people to place in my life. I just need to have patience. And that's something we all know I'm not very good at...waiting. But here's to two people who have ultimately keep me around. I'd be lost without them both and I will never forget to thank God for these blessings. Much love to Mama Leah and Emma Jo.
Life is changing, but the blessings are constant,
Marissa Mayer

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