Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Beauty That Lies Beyond The Depression

Happy Tuesday everyone! Hope you're all having a good start to the week. This post is like 110% crazy and not organized, so good luck to all of you who are reading!

You're probably wondering about the title of this post...so here you are:

I'm 16 years old, and I believe I've struggled with a lot of things that maybe other kids my age haven't gone through. When I started this blog, I thought it was going to be a major flop. However, I've been blessed with a ton of viewers, the opportunity to be interviewed by a reporter about the stigma of my depression, and been given compliments from workers at Project Semicolon (which I just found out is based in Green Bay, Wisconsin...not too far from me!). Not to mention the support of friends and family. In the beginning, I faced a lot of trials with my blog. I was told by a few people that my blog is a waste of time, that my depression makes me selfish, and I struggled to write because I didn't want to "offend" any one or have people take my words out of context and make false assumptions about me. But I'm telling you that ends here. There are many things I want to share with you, and I don't think I need to fear being honest with you all. I have never used names for people in this blog, and I never will. I'm not calling people out, it's rather my response to the situation. 

I am bold, but shy when necessary. I have a crazy side, an overly emotional side, and a deep thinking side. I am creative, often times silly, and only want to live my life as fully as I can. My self-confidence depends on the day. I can be very hard-working and motivated when necessary. I love to smile and laugh. I enjoy making others feel better, writing, and I live for good music. 

My depression can hamper some of these things, but most of them, it cannot. I have lost a lot of people in my life in the past year. I used to blame my depression, because who wants to be friends with the depressed girl? I can understand how that could be difficult. But, besides all the negative aspects of my mental health, comes one of the positives I have found. It has allowed me to discover who my true friends are. 

I used to hurt because I felt like I'd lost friends. But really, I rarely got support from them for my depression or blog. Only in the beginning really. After a while, it's like my sidelines had a team of one friend cheering for me. I was blind to the other people around me who care about me.

Although my support group is smaller now, that doesn't mean it's weaker. I have a few best friends that mean the absolute world to me. So this post is really a shout out to them. They have loved me...every single side of me. I know I can call them when I feel like I'm going to cry myself to sleep, or when I need somebody to talk to on my way to school. They have been there for me through thick and thin, shown me that I am beautiful, and loved the wonderful me that lies beyond the depression. Because my depression does not define me, it has merely added to my learning experience. It has made me wiser and brought me to people I can no longer live without. It has shown me how precious life can be. And beyond that, it has strengthened my faith, knowing that God is most definitely real, and that He will draw me back to Him when I am weak.

Thank you all, for supporting me as I continue this battle. Your prayers and love are so greatly appreciated.

There is beauty, yes, even in this,
Marissa Mayer 


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