Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Sitting in Sadness

Good afternoon/evening...I wish I could start out on a really happy note, but right now I'm just not feeling it. Hopefully you all are feeling good today.

My least favorite days are the kind like today, where I have a fabulous day and then one small thing sets me into a darkened mood. Today I had an awesome time going around to different schools with the band and playing for grade school kids. It was a fun time to play with each other after an amazing concert last night, and definitely a good time just being around one another.

I smiled a lot. I laughed a lot. I poured my heart into playing music. And then I came home. My brother came home after a weekend at my dad's. When I walked in he was getting homework help from my mom which looked frustrating for both of them. I said hello and went to my room to isolate myself.

So here it is, 5 o'clock. I know I have homework to do, my mom came in and yelled at me about my messy room, and in the meantime, I'm trying to fight off the darkness that's eating at me. I don't even like being at home anymore because it isn't the same as it used to be. I don't like going to school because that means homework and stress. My body doesn't want to move, and it's like my depression makes most of my decisions for me. All that homework? I can't even guarantee I'm going to do it all. My messy room? It will probably take me another hour or so to drag myself off my bed and to get it done.

I've gotten to this point where I simply don't care. I find it hard to do basic things that everyone else finds, well, normal. It's a struggle to shower and sometimes to eat. So here I sit, in my room. I'm too tired to fight the tears away today. And although I don't like to sit in my own sadness, I just don't feel like doing much else either. I pray for peace, comfort, and joy in my lonely hour. I also pray for all of you out there who might feel a lot like I do today. If I can get through it, I'm sure you can too.

Waiting for yet another storm to pass,
Marissa Mayer


  1. Hi.....The first natural reaction when people are told to engage in exercise is to instantly mistaken that they would have to register for expensive gym memberships or self-help diet classes. On the contrary, you can simply treat your depression by planning ahead disciplined periods of walking, jogging or swimming 3 times weekly with half an hour period each.See more-Don't fight depression alone

    1. Thanks for the tip! While I don't believe that is a simple solution for everyone who suffers with depression, I appreciate the idea! :)