Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Depression: So What?

Good evening! I just got done with my band concert and I feel pretty good. I just have a few thoughts I'd like to share tonight...

I was recently told that I make way too big of a deal out of my mental illness. Which, I did some thinking about. I tried to see how this specific person could be right, and I've come to a few conclusions.

First off, let's start by thinking about how much we use our brains on the daily basis. The answer is obvious...all the time. Now take out all the school and work portion of "thinking", and ponder how often you actually just think to yourself. Have thoughts or ideas that run through your mind. Once again...all the time. Probably a lot more than you think. Now imagine if something took over your thoughts and sort of, put a dark filter on them. You can't really control it and it's (unfortunately) constant. Therefore, there are many days where I truly can't help it, and my depression becomes a huge barrier and a big deal to me.

My depression can get triggered by the smallest things. And by small, I mean extremely minuscule. All it takes is one sentence out of somebody's mouth in the wrong tone towards me, and that's it. I shrivel up and can shut down. I know a lot of people say "just ignore it" or "don't listen to them", but trust me, it isn't nearly as simple as it seems. For me, it's still a work in progress to overcome those little things that flip the switch. There are many days, like today, where that switch gets flipped and I get mad because it's over something extremely silly and small. And then people ask what's wrong, and although I can't always pinpoint it, it was usually triggered by something I'm a little embarrassed to admit I'm upset over.

Secondly, I might "make a big deal out of it" because it's scary. It's the wanting to die and fighting to live. And it's not only for myself. It's out of awareness for others. While my depression does take up a huge chunk of my life, I'm still learning to work alongside it and with others because absolutely nobody deserves to struggle alone.

For those of you who believe I'm self-centered, only focused on myself and my own issues, and blind to those around me, I'm sorry you think that way. But this battle is still a learning process for me, and in the meantime, I just want to reach out to those who need hope. The hope that I'm lucky to have in Christ.

I also found this amazing link to an article about what it's like to struggle with both depression and anxiety, and I couldn't have worded it better myself...check it out below!


Mental health: it IS a big deal,
Marissa Mayer

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