Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Mostly Just Me

Happy Tuesday everyone! I'm so happy to announce that Depressed But Blessed reached 5k views last night! Thank you all so very much for your support. I can only pray that I'm helping each of you see blessings in your own battles as I discover my own.

Okay. I need to be brutally honest. I don't feel like I fit in with my friends. I know I said it in my last post, but it's really killing me. I was sitting down for chapel today and there it was, that urge to cry. The rush of pain. My friends all talk and laugh; I just sit on the sidelines. I know that if I told them, they'd deny it and just become clingy until it was no longer convenient for them. I tried doing so once. And here I am again...back at square one. I have no clue what is going on in my friend group like 90% of the time. They all share secrets and I barely knew about my friend's "crush" until he asked her out today. Apparently it's been going on for awhile now. Sometimes they'll be talking and I'll ask what's going on, and I just get the "oh it's nothing" or "I can't tell you." I just want to know when I suddenly became a stranger to these people I call my friends.

I know they're going to read this. Maybe...some of them. But at this point, I don't care. I'm frustrated. My mom has always told me to be myself, because that's what people love the most. But, my depression has unfortunately become a huge part of me. It feels the need to change my feelings from one minute to the next. And as much as I'd like to say that I can survive on my own, I can't. I need people my age to support me. To reassure me that things will be okay when I don't think they will be. And I don't feel like I'm getting that.

Sure, I have my best friend. But it's a million times harder when we go to different schools. Mostly because I need the support when I'm at school. When I'm struggling with a class or just need a positive sign of encouragement.

Maybe you're reading this and thinking that I sound incredibly needy. And for awhile, I thought maybe that's what I was. But looking back, I realize that it's important to have social support. Mostly because of my depression and anxiety. And unfortunately, those things only make it harder for me to keep good relationships. Because who wants to deal with the emotionally unstable girl? Who wants to be friends with somebody who is always sad?

But you know what? I do. I want to be that friend. I want to be a friend to somebody who struggles like me. The door is open. I am here for you. I know it's rough to go through the day and feel like you have nobody. I do it every single day lately. And I know that I might live on the opposite side of the world from you. But I promise each and every one of you who views my blog, that I am willing to be your support. I would love nothing more than to take my mind off my own struggles and help you through yours. It's the complete purpose of this blog.

So tomorrow, when you failed a quiz or your friends "push you out of the circle," remember this: Marissa, the girl who might just feel a lot like you, is here for you. I'm only a message away. You can contact me on the right hand side of the screen under "Contact Me!" Otherwise, my contact info is listed below. 

Also remember that not only am I here for you...but God. He's always a reliable friend. After all, He sent His Son to die for you! Jesus knows what it's like to be rejected. To be left out, laughed at, and ignored. But He has created you, His beautiful child, that you might someday be with Him in His heavenly kingdom.

Other announcements:

It has been voted that you guys want a little post about myself. I will try and put that on my to do list. I have some updating to do on the blog as far as format goes, so it might end up being it's own page on here.

I'd love to hear from you. Tell me your story- I love to read! Email me a little something about yourself...tell me about the battles your facing and the ones you've overcome.

As always, share my blog! I'd love some more viewers. My goal is 7k by the end of the year. Let's make it happen! Super thrilled about spreading the love of Christ to all those who need it!

Always in my prayers,
Marissa Mayer

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