Sunday, November 15, 2015

Close Your Eyes

Hey everybody...I have a lot to say tonight, so here goes.

My last post triggered a very long message from somebody I thought was my friend. Here's some direct quotes from that particular message:

"See, YOU don't notice these problems because YOU'RE too busy telling every person that will listen about YOUR problems."

"YOU are not the queen of the world. YOU like to sit on your throne of self-pity and blog views while YOU wait for the rest of us to grovel at YOUR feet and give YOU all the attention."

"I can't tell the difference between the Marissa who is actually suffering from depression and the Marissa who is only asking for attention."

The more I read, the more I wanted to die. I started hyperventilating; my heart ached and the knot in the back of my throat got tighter. Before I knew it I was on the ground sobbing my eyes out. I needed to escape. All I wanted was to simply "not exist." But I knew my mom had removed the pills from my house, which kind of ruined any plans I had. So I took the only other step I knew. I called my best friend. It took a few minutes before she could even understand me on the phone. I was light-headed and the words couldn't come out.

In the end, she saved me. Without Megan, I'm not sure I would have made the night on my own. If she hadn't answered I was pretty much ready to go to the mental hospital because I'm tired. Tired of people taking my words and twisting them around, and making claims about me that aren't even true. I don't believe that I'm self-centered. And the purpose of my blog isn't even for sympathy- it's to show all of you that there is somebody out there who feels like you do. And to show you that you are still blessed despite your trials. I pray that God continues to give me the strength to move forward and learn more from this.

On a brighter note, I got an email from one of my viewers. Actual positive feedback! It definitely brought my spirits up and made me feel better. They told me that they really like reading my blog because it's relatable and that they're praying for me. I'm still super excited it about it!

And on another good note, I've had a very good weekend so far. I had off of school on Thursday and Friday, so my dad, brother and I went to the Wisconsin Dells and I actually got to see some friends there. God showed me, once again, just how lucky I am to have these people in my life. I don't need friends who question my depression, or the purpose of my blog all the time. I need friends who will approach me appropriately and support me in everything I do (unless it's against my faith of course).

To bring this to a good ending, just take time to close your eyes. When you feel the devil attack you with depression/anxiety, close your eyes and tell him to back down! You're a child of Christ who does not need to fight Satan, because Jesus has done that all for you! When you feel unloved or alone remember that you are surrounded in His love. Don't let anyone drag you down. You are capable of being strong- strong in Christ. And when you feel blessed beyond belief, close your eyes. Thank God for those people or things that make your life so much better.

I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend! Be sure to check out the "About Me" page that you requested! (top of page)

I also added in my "Psalms Project" page. Just something I'm working on...reading through the whole book and finding good verses for bad days...feel free to check it out and as always, I love your feedback!

Created in Christ. Loved by Christ. Fighting in Christ,
Marissa Mayer

1 comment:

  1. Keep your head up. You will make it through stronger than ever!