Friday, August 7, 2015

Pull Not Push

I know this is late but my writer's block just went away...

Recently, there was a really great guy in my life. I work with him and he is so incredibly sweet and caring. We talked for a few weeks and he admitted to liking me. I thought I liked him too, and I told him that. I'm going through a really rough time at home though, so in the end I pushed him away saying I couldn't do this. "The timing is all wrong" is what I told myself.

And maybe it is...I haven't figured that out yet. But this boy was of great support to me! He called when I had an anxiety attack and always asked to make sure I was okay. He thought I was smart, and funny, and beautiful. He treated me like I had never been treated before. I was scared. I have been hurt by boys before and so I pushed him away. Deep into the friend-zone. And even though he didn't really admit it, it hurt him. I know it did. I know because I was in his position once. And I'm sure most of you can relate to that.

I used excuses to tell myself that I did the right thing. This happened quite recently, so I'm still not sure if I did the right thing or not. But as time goes on, I can see that I'm less and less sure that I did. Maybe the timing was right- in the sense that he was helping me through this. But maybe it was wrong in the sense that I don't need a boyfriend on top of everything.

Another example is my biological family. (Someday I will explain my whole entire backstory- but that's for another day) I pushed them away this past fall and I feel quite guilty about it. There are so many days that I cry because my little brother will never know why he can't see his sister anymore. I thought I did the right thing by telling them I wanted nothing to do with them. But, I can see that I actually hurt them more than I really intended. Sure, I wanted to make myself happy for once, but I didn't want to hurt them either. I'm still praying about this situation- and hoping that soon I can repair what's been broken.

What I'm trying to point out is that don't be so quick to push people away. They're in your life for a reason. Don't be afraid to pull them closer if you think you could use them in your life. I encourage you to pray about it. Because, I didn't and things aren't going as well as I hoped. God will make it clear to you who you need and don't currently need in your life. I say currently, because they might fit in later. Perhaps not right now. And that's sort of how I'm feeling about both of these situations.

Always here for you guys,
Marissa Mayer

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