Friday, July 31, 2015

Ready For Battle

Hey guys- I know it isn't the end of the day yet, but I thought I would blog a little earlier tonight.

Only two hours ago, I had my third anxiety attack. Let me tell you, they are not fun. I couldn't breathe very well and I started sweating. It's really scary to feel like you don't know what to do with yourself. In the moment, I was afraid of myself. Afraid that if my emotions took control, I might not be able to stop. I wanted to die so badly, and I was scared. I hugged myself tighter and tried to find reasons to stay alive. I paced my room back and forth. The tears kept coming and the fear was eating at me. Shaking, I grabbed my phone and managed to dial my cousin. She talked me through it and encouraged me to relax. When I hung up, I practiced taking deep breaths and listened to music. Unfortunately, this time it took longer for me to calm down.

And now, here I still sit, my eyes red and puffy but feeling better. Looking back, in the moment I had felt every emotion, and at the same time, completely emotionless. It's a hard feeling to describe. But it's painful and it eats at me from the inside out sometimes.

I questioned why it took me so long to recover and realized that I hadn't made a call to God. I am certain that with Him, I would have felt better a lot faster. Sometimes, He uses things to put me back on track. And today, He used the panic attack to wake me up a little and remind me that He is in control. And that I need to put my trust in Him. When I lay my fears in His hands, He will take care of them. With God by my side, I can fight all battles that life throws my way.

Once again, I am leaving the offer out there for all of you who struggle with depression or anything of the sort. I am here. I will always be here to remind each and every one of you how strong you can be with the Lord.

"Blessed be the Lord! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." -Psalm 28:7

God is good- at all times,
Marissa Mayer

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